I feel like I have abandoned this space for two months. I promise not a single day goes by without me thinking about you. I think about you every damn time I open a book to read. I think about you every single time I pick a notebook to journal or just decompress. I think about you when I’m on the road and when not. When I sit or lay to rest. I hold you dear. Thank you for your patience with me and your agility to read each time a notification from me pops up.
First things first. What have I been up to? Why haven’t I been blogging? I’ve been working, then resting, and for the most part writing and not typing. I had plans to take my annual leave in March hence was swamped with work trying to clear my desk in February before taking leave. I remember blogging on a weekly last year when I took leave and hoped that the same would be the case this year. It sadly wasn’t. I spent my March resting my physical self, walking in and out of respective government offices trying to put some of my papers in order, and drowning in my thoughts and I am grateful Karembo and Nyash ensured that I did not lose breath underneath. I am still gasping for air. March has been hard on my heart, mind, and mental health. Eben is however still trying to ensure that I keep an attitude of gratitude and will from time to time ask me what I’m grateful for. Today, I told him what I had told Karembo earlier. That I am grateful for the pain I am feeling. That I am grateful that I am neither numb nor paralyzed. I am feeling pain. That, for me, currently, is a good place to be. I have developed a form of indifference, but that’s probably because I need to reserve sympathy and empathy for myself at the time.
That notwithstanding, I had some memorable moments in March too. I attended two dance classes; my Sunday afternoons are nowadays for dance class. Attending two means that I did fewer classes. I spent the other two Sundays with Abby. It has been beautiful spending time with her and her people, catching up, eating together, and reminiscing on some terrible old days while grateful that we came out of certain instances and are currently thriving regardless. I would say I made up for the two unattended dance classes by going for the socials at Yunion and Barrels and Stools and grateful for Grace’s company in the two instances. I love being alone but I also love it when there is a familiar face around. Someone I can catch a conversation with when I am tired of sitting with my thoughts. In some instances, I have walked into a restaurant, placed my order, and gotten immediately on a phone call. I wouldn’t know if to classify this as an online date even if the person on the other end of the call is not eating. While talking about restaurants and dates, I went on a solo date in March. Dismissed Pili restaurant at GTC because of its artificial flowers because I love keeping it real. Ken, a waiter there, however, managed to convince me in while leaving Yunion. Branching there was definitely worth it. He convinced me to get a drink and I loved their pina colada. I can’t stop thinking about it. I spoiled myself silly on that day. I bought anything my heart fancied, including a washing machine because my hands are meant for typing for you. Right?
Other highs I experienced in March included attending a screening on Climate Change at Sarit, International Women’s Day celebrations at Arboretum where I especially loved the sit-down session Njerikan had with a woman I love, Crystal Asige, and poetry shows as is my norm. I went for Punchline Comedy once in March. Definitely getting back to it with the usual dedication in April. Art and Flickers top the list as far as experiences at events are concerned. I loved it here. I was rocking my sunset afro at this event and with the jungle green blends on my outfit, I could easily pass for the queen of the jungle. Roba if you read this, I’m hoping Ayira’s café returns the trampoline because it’s the one thing I missed out on and wouldn’t want to next time.
March was for me a month of high highs and very low lows. I’m grateful for the friendships that have bloomed, like that Karembo and I share, and grateful for those that hit a rock and left me in excruciating pain because I now have time to heal from them. There is one that had me regretting the fact that when I love, I love hard but because Karembo exists, I am actually grateful that I love hard and blindly so. I trust fully, and blindly so. I should hate this, but I want this. I want to have faith in people’s ability to just be humane.
I’ll finish this here and open a new document to tell you about my trip to the government offices mentioned above. For now, see you soon.
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